In quest of the perfect Christmas

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas (if you celebrate that particular holiday). There are some things that people just don't talk about amid the holiday cheer, general feeling of fellowship with mankind, etc., etc., etc., and that is the Christmas Dud. Oh, it'll come up once all the warm fuzzies of Christmas have worn off and everyone is jaded from holiday burn out, but while the plum pudding is still warm and the Christmas lights are glowing the Christmas Dud just doesn't exist. Why? Because it's un-American. It's not idyllic. It's not something you see presented in a serious Hollywood film about this particular holiday. It does still exist. In fact, 99.9% of all normal people experience more Christmas Duds than that idyllic holiday they've been dreaming of. So here's my tribute to the Christmas Dud; dedicated to all of you who've forgotten that your children won't actually sit still for your Christmas picture and that the usual rules governing cooking, time management, money spent shipping, and extended family relationships aren't suspended on that day of days - Christmas.